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The Neurotic Monkey's Guide to Survival is dedicated to providing innovative ideas that will alter reality as we know it and could very well SAVE YOUR LIFE. Plus videos of people getting hit in the junk.

 

 

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    Mass Distraction

    Monkey See...

     

    Deep Red

    Monkey See (on TV)...


    Childrens Hospital - On Adult Swim

     

    Goonies the Musical!

     

    Sloth's Song

    Goonies the Musical!

     

    Takin' It Back

    Goonies the Musical!

     

    Piano Lessons

    Goonies the Musical!

     

    Tubes

     

    Entries by Rob Dean (454)

    The Pact

    (via Let's Be Friends Again)

    Today is the Day of THE PACT! As per Let's Be Friends Again instructions, go to a Dunkin Donuts location near you. Order a Captain America donut (it's a star-shaped jelly donut with sprinkles and vanilla frosting. It's not bad but...it's not good either).

    Take a picture of you with your fine pastry, holding it aloft as a testament to all who came before you. It'll shine like a diabetic beacon honoring the sacrifices that brave men and women have made to ensure our freedom. The star-spangled confectionary will be a sweet note of gratitude to this great experiment we call America.

    Then, after the picture thing, post it on the Twitter or Let's Be Friends Again comments or on their Facebook page. The hashtag for Twitter is #ThePact and be sure to include @LBFAinc and @neuroticmonkey.

    Or you can not do any of this...but then the terrorists, communists, nazis and super scientists dedicated to an ethnically pure world will have won.

    USA! USA! USA!

    Verbiage - July 1, 2011

    Today's word of the day is Consensus:

     Via Pleated Jeans

    con·sen·sus

    [kuhn-sen-suhs] 
    noun, plural -sus·es.
    1. majority of opinion: The consensus of the group was that they should meet twice a month
    2. general agreement or concord; harmony.

    ...Maybe More Than a Little.

    From GYMKATA!

    Zelda Convention - June 30, 2011

    (via Let's Be Friends Again)

    Dracula! Dracula! Schedule?

    Click to read more ...

    Quotent Quotables - June 30, 2011

    Even eternally free people are enslaved by the process of living.

    - Chuck Klosterman

    Tragicomedy Thy Name is The Future

    Murder Party

    Horror films are the basis for my love of movies.

    Firstly, as verboten pieces of art that I was discouraged from viewing as a child because they would give me nightmares or because they were 'trash,' horror films transformed from merely objects of entertainment into forbidden slices of escapism that I needed to learn about, watch, experience and absorb. Horror movies were something secretive that held power over others (particularly authority figures) and yet were looked down on and derided as filth. This dichotomy spurred me to learn more about each of the films, watch more of them and, in turn, learn more about film in general. In an effort to claim some of that power or unravel that mystery, I exposed myself to hours and hours of film, I had no choice but to fall in love with the medium.

    Secondly, within the broad genre of horror, films run a large gamut of subgenres and sub-classifications: comedies, science fiction, trash, action, social/political commentary, exploitative. There's no "one type of horror film" - there are schools of thought and approaches but no unifying element that makes something a horror film. Horror movies can be scary, or gross, or gory, or funny, or sexy or chilling or all of the above. Horror movies tend to hinge on tone, an intangible element that tends to be signature of the auteur/director behind the film. Even if films share the same general plot points, it's the injection of tone and realization of the filmmakers' vision that defines each movie. So while consuming all of these horror movies, growing to love film, I also began to understand the subtle (and not so subtle) differences between genres, tones and executions of material.

    Thirdly, watching mass quantities of horror movies leads to appreciating good elements of movies, if only to preserve one's sanity. Maybe Hell Comes to Frogtown is a crap film (it is), but you can appreciate the humor of the Lady Frog trying to sex "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Or maybe The Quest (a/k/a Frog Dreaming) is a terrible movie (it is), but it has haunting shots and scenes that have stayed with me for multiple decades. The gore effects of Nightmare on Elm Street IV: The Dream Master, the quips of Friday the 13th VI: Jason Lives, the badassery of Phantasm II, the creature design of Nightbreed - every film, no matter its overall merits, has at least one element or scene that is appealing and well done. Even if, during those awkward pubescent years, those elements tend to be boob-related. Horror movie fans can sift through hours of crap to find something that made those hours worthwhile. And if a film has more than 1 or 2 elements that are good? An interesting score AND amazing tits? Well then the road to understanding what makes a good film (outside of aforementioned tits) begins as disparate pieces come together to make a strong, unified whole that is then spread through proselytizing to other nerds. "You haven't seen Evil Dead II? Oh we are having a sleepover and watching that RIGHT NOW!"

    There are other examples of how horror movies play such pivotal roles in the formation of film freaks, many of them covered in this piece by Devin Faraci, but the point is that for such an easily vilified, belittled and ghettoized genre - horror films can serve as introduction to a love of cinema due to its broad range and malleability. Which brings us to today's film, 2007's Murder Party, written and directed by Jeremy Saulnier, a dark comic Halloween film that is as steeped in film geekery as it is in obscurity.

    Click to read more ...

    I Know Kung Fu. HIT IT, ROCKAPELLA!

    Matt Mulholland dubs over the iconic lobby shoot-em-up scene from The Matrix, replacing sound effects and Propellerheads score with his own mouth. What does this mean for you, the viewer? Lots of "pewpew"-ing.

    (Via The Daily What Geeks)

    Verbiage - June 30, 2011

    Today's word of the day is Undulate:

    un·du·late

    [v. uhn-juh-leyt, uhn-dyuh-, -duh-; adj. uhn-juh-lit, -leyt, uhn-dyuh-, -duh-] verb, -lat·ed, -lat·ing, adjective
    –verb (used without object)
     
    1. to move with a sinuous or wavelike motion; display a smooth rising-and-falling or side-to-side alternation of movement: The flag undulates in the breeze 
    2. to have a wavy form or surface; bend with successive curves in alternate directions.
    3. (of a sound) to rise and fall in pitch: the wail of a siren undulating in the distance.

    So Many Offended Cultures, So Little Time

    There is no context that would make this clip make any more sense or be any less awful.

    Zelda Convention - June 29, 2011

    Via ComicsAlliance

    ...actually I try really hard.

    Click to read more ...

    Quotent Quotables - June 29, 2011

    Why is it we don't always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?

    - Steve Martin

    Dear World...

    Sincerely,

    Rob Dean

    Appropriate Conduct for Men's Bathrooms

    People, we need to talk. As a society we've done a great many remarkable things: Thrown monkeys into outer space. Made a highly profitable industry out of managing and treating (but not curing) life-destroying maladies. Invented global communication infrastructures and complex technologies to support our need for sexting and porn.

    But sometimes we fail to acknowledge when we're falling short in an area. That decline rapidly degenerates until mere anarchy is loosed on the world and then we are in a quagmire so intractable that it seems like the preferable solution is to embrace the imminent demise of our entire social fabric.

    But I say nay! I will not go gentle into that good night - I will rage against the dying of the light! (I just made that up) I will stand and draw a line and say I will brook no further offenses. This is the point in history where we changed everything. This is the time in our society where we stopped the descent and made life good again. This is the time that we created universally agreed-upon standards of conduct for men's bathrooms.

    Please note: these rules only apply to communal bathrooms (where-in 2 or more people can use the facilities at the same time) and only to men's bathrooms. I have no idea what goes in the ladies' room, but I assume it's a complete horrorshow - like Apocalypse Now but with linoleum.

    No Talking

     

    I know, it's cliche and hackneyed - but it's really true. No talking in the bathroom. Unless you're passing along vital information - then you don't need to communicate anything else. Everything else you have to say is completely inconsequential. Let's put it this way: if you are in a meeting at work, will you ever say "Hey Bill, remember what we were talking about in the bathroom? Well, I ran the numbers..." No, of course you won't. Communication will consist solely of acknowledging that you are both people - a head nod, awkward smile, muffled "sup?" will all suffice. Do not tell me a story, do not try to wow me with your hilarity, do not engage me when my genitals are exposed to the world at large.

    Click to read more ...