As 2009 slowly fades away into another in a long series of regrettable flashbacks, we look to the future where we will all be perfect people filled with orgiastic bliss.  But how do we get from the ashen ruins of this depressing present to the promises of a glorious tomorrow?  Resolutions, my friends, resolutions.  And so I present

My Top 5 Resolutions for 2010!!!

5) Stop killing all those celebrities.  Look, I'll be the first to admit that we can always stand to trim some fat from the flock of celebrities in our society.  But even I think I went a bit overboard this year.  I'm not proud of how many famous people I sent to the grave with my ingenious (yet simplistic) methods of murder.  It's like eating a whole can of Pringles - yeah, you did it, but staring at that empty tube is more of a moment of shame than a sense of accomplishment.  But when my lethal reign of terror spread even to that sweet lady from 227 & Sesame Street, I recognized I'm going to have to curb my murderous desires.  Looks like someone caught a lucky break, Danny Bonaduce.

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I believe in intuition and inspiration. Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution. It is, strictly speaking, a real factor in scientific research.

Albert Einstein



2010 is already better than 2009.

How, you may ask?  Because in 2009, professionally unfunny puppet-fister Jeff Dunham had a TV show.

In 2010? Not so much.

With the time off, maybe Mr. Dunham can practice not moving his lips when he talks.  Or not using simple stereotypes in cliched, hackneyed bits that are so far from funny that the light from funny won't hit them for another eight and a half years.

Now show him how it's done, Franklin!

The greatest tragedy of my life is that I’m not a figment of someone’s imagination.

            My mind constantly exists in the world of fantasy, a world filled with adventures and daring deeds.  I desire larger than life scenarios divided along black and white lines of good versus evil.  I long to look out my window and see the skies peppered by brave men and women in capes and tights righting wrongs and beating the bad guys.  I wish to read newspaper headlines about some nefarious organization that doesn’t mean harm for ideological reasons based on religious fanaticism.  I prefer my shadowy groups lead by a man with a predilection to reptile themes and bungled attempts at global domination.  I want to find treasure maps, destroy ancient cursed relics, encounter creatures that exist beyond our planet, our dimension, or simply beyond the ken of our understanding.

            But that’s not the way this world works, nor the way my life has gone thus far.

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So...hi.

How are you?  Welcome to my blog.  This is going to be a place where I put various things I stumble upon on the web, along with my thoughts and rantings. 

I have lofty plans for this place - discussion boards, downloading mp3's from a musical I cowrote based on "The Goonies," some sort of feud with TMZ and/or Steve Jobs, and who knows what else.

In the meantime, be sure to comment and I hope you stick around.

Oh, and be sure to email me with any thoughts you have, leads, tips, things you want to see on here, and any delicious recipes for new and exotic cookies are always welcome.

Remember when we were young: we looked forward to things.  "I can't WAIT to drive. I can't WAIT to get a boyfriend.  I can't WAIT to graduate." Etc., Etc.  Now it's "remember how great high school was?"  Or "nothing compares to the feeling of first love.  Life was so much better back when we were young."  Somewhere between anticipation and nostalgia we should have been happy.



-from Too Much Coffee Man: Parade of Tirade by Shannon Wheeler