Every kill in a Friday the 13th movie in one handy infographic!

Via Badass Digest

(Via Badass Digest)

It's summertime, y'all! That means one thing - pack the kids up and get them the fuck out of your house. And if you can package it as a character-building exercise that'll give them lifelong friends and important lessons - even better!

I only went to sleepaway camp for 2 summers. A Christian camp in New Hampshire called Camp Squanto. It was...honestly, it was OK. This was before I became a secular humanist and when I really thought I'd like to be a pastor. Or a marine biologist. Or Wolverine from X-Men. Time makes fools of us all.

We played dumb games, went on disappointing hikes, prayed to nothing and learned songs - including Christian lyrics for well known song. Camp Squanto is why I can't hear the Rocky theme song without singing to myself "Trust in Goddddddd./He'sYour Friennnnnd./HeWill GuideYouuuuu/tothe Ennnnnnd/Through our trials and tribulations/blessthelord his holy nation!" I also learned the song Shut-De-Do, an a cappella staple that I still find very charming. Not so charming? The eventual revelation that the Camp President had been embezzling millions of dollars over the years from the Christian camp's funds.

Ultimately I thought camp was pretty lame and tame and not filled with any of the assorted hijinks the movies promised. Where was my rival camp with its dark color scheme and swanky clientele? What about some girl who totally hates me at first but eventually kisses me after I break her rough exterior? And the pranks - MY GOD THE PRANKS. Where were they?

Maybe it's because of my middling experience with camp that I've developed a soft spot for summer camp movies. Often times they are atrocious and follow the weird mixing of pubescent sexual depravity with innocent exuberance of youth that was begun by Meatballs many years ago. But there are some that are worth remembering and revisiting. Here are some...

(Honorable Mention) Poison Ivy (1985)

No, not the movies with semi-innocent actresses whoring it up in sub-softcore porn with the most dubious and flimsiest of plots. Although...those ain't bad either. No this Poison Ivy is a 1985 TV movie with such youth icons as Michael J. Fox, Nancy McKeon, Adam Baldwin and Robert Klein. I had this recorded from broadcast and watched the VHS often, but I can't remember much from it. So why is it on this list? Because there's one element that stands out vividly that is CRAZYPANTS.

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I woke up and thought it would be a better world if there existed a video that combined the song "Are You Ready for the Summer?" sung by children in the movie Meatballs with scenes of brutal murders from the Friday the 13th series of films.

And Crispin Glover dancing like a spaz.

This is the life I chose.