First of all - America is the greatest, freest, fittest, smartest, prettiest, sexiest, sweetest, funniest, nicest, swankiest, toughest nation in the world. And if you don't like it - you can GET OUT.

Secondly - we have a lot of problems. there's a lot wrong with the greatest, freest, fittest, smartest, prettiest, sexiest, sweetest, funniest, nicest, swankiest, toughest nation in the world.

But one thing we do very well? Humor. And nothing is quite so funny as our own history, our own screwed up nation and a man getting kicked in the groin. That's just science.

Here are 7 hilarious patriotic videos that focus on our nation's younger days:

7)  The Whitest Kids U'Know, Jack & Oswald

My favorite part? "You have a flag! That's very nice." Some of the jokes land flat...but then the music picks up...

6) The Colbert Report, "National Constitution Center"

I've been there many times! It's wildly disappointing!

5) South Park, "Cartman in 1776"

Back to music!

4) Funny or Die, "Drunk History Volume 1"

How is there not more fanfiction about this duel? At the very least an ironic t-shirt proclaiming that "Aaron Shot First."

3) The Whitest Kids U'Know, "Abe Lincoln"

Another video featuring someone with whom I went to school. Do you see how I'm surrounded by all this talent? It's fucking annoying. I feel like a fat Salieri minus all that mediocre talent. Er...um...USA #1!

2) Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, "Funky Phantom"

I miss this show more than I miss the writ of Habeas Corpus (eh? eh? eh.)

1) Mr. Show, "Founding Fathers"

I hear you. "What's with Lincoln's Brooklyn accent?"

Shhhhhhhhh...shut up. And put your poo box away.