Keith Doughty discusses songs, albums and artists that are unappreciated, unknown, and/or unfairly-maligned by the general public. This is Hidden Tracks.

Hulk Hogan - “Hulkster in Heaven”

I used to tear my shirt,
But now you've torn my hearts.
I knew you were a Hulkamaniac,
Right from the very start

I have no idea what set of circumstances led Hulk Hogan to release his 1995 album Hulk Rules. "Money" would be the obvious answer, but by 1995 Hogan should have already made lots of it from his lengthy wrestling career and various movie roles (the album did actually hit the top ten. . . . . children’s album chart).  I certainly hope it wasn’t for love of music, because the resulting album can barely be called music. It can, however, be called hilarious, particularly the penultimate track on the album “Hulkster in Heaven”.

“Hulkster in Heaven” is a touching song about a young Hulkamaniac who dies of cancer before he could get to see Hogan wrestle as part of the Make-A-Wish Foundation. It’s apparently a true story which makes me feel a little bad about making fun of the song. But just a little. The instrumentation for the song appears to be made up entirely of cheesy electronic pianos and synthesizers. The overbearing, quasi-soulful backup singers that repeat lyrics seemingly at random form a strange contrast with Hogan’s Kermit-the-Frog-like voice.

And then there are the lyrics. The main point of the song is that, although Hogan is sad his young fan has died, he is sure they will meet up in heaven. References to wrestling are scattered throughout the song. Here are a few observations I have about the lyrics:

1. Hogan is VERY confident he is going to heaven (that cocky bastard)
2. Apparently Hulkamaniacs are dropping like flies (“the world just lost ANOTHER Hulkamaniac”)
3. Hogan somehow manages to speak in the first and third person. . . in the same sentence ("I wish Hulk's love could bring you back again")
4. It is implied that Hogan wrestles with children, or is at least being a little loose with the wrestling terms (When the Hulkster comes to Heaven, we'll tag up AGAIN)

The rest of Hulk’s album is pretty much unlistenable, but “Hulkster in Heaven” is definitely worth your time.

"Macho Man" Randy Savage - “Be a Man”

Hot diggity damn Hulk I'm glad you set it off
Used to be hard Hulk now ya done turned soft

Not to be outdone, sometimes-Hulk-ally, sometimes-Hulk-rival "Macho Man" Randy Savage released his own album, Be A Man, eight years later in 2003. Musically, it’s a straightforward rap album, albeit with well below-average rapping and production. There’s no track on Be a Man that resonates with me the way “Hulkster in Heaven” does (although the intro is pretty funny), but the titular track seems most relevant for this post since it’s one long take-down of Hulk Hogan.

“Be a Man” finds Savage suggesting that, although he once respected Hogan, he now thinks Hulk has gone soft. Savage implores Hogan to “be a man” and get in the ring with him so they can settle their differences. Throughout the song, Savage lobs various insults at Hogan including mocking his telephone commercials, taunting Hogan’s supposed loss to the Rock, and contrasting his recent movie failures with Savage’s “feature” role in Spider-Man (not sure Savage’s four minutes of screen time as Bone Saw McGraw equals a feature role, but that’s ok). Savage also accuses Hogan of backing out of a charity event and makes a strange reference to Hogan calling his father on the phone.

I don’t find “Be a Man” to be nearly as amusing as “Hulkster in Heaven”, but it has its charm. Plus listening to it is an excellent way to honor the recently deceased. I wonder if, when the Hulkster goes to heaven, they’ll tag up again. . . . .

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Keith Doughty is a non-profit finance professional who in his spare time dabbles in music, politics, and interesting food. He lives and works in Philadelphia, PA.

Contact him at neuroticmonkey.com