Via She Walks SoftlyIt's been said that heroes are only as good as their villains. In order to have an interesting hero, he or she must face an interesting and truly threatening adversary. In genre fiction, this is usually done by one of two ways. Either having the villain be a threat so large that it seems unlikely anyone can stop it. Or else have the threat be of a complimentary nature, the flip side of the coin of the hero (dark vs. light, etc.). In either case, when the villain reveals his or her potential for destruction and true horror, it makes the heroes seem even mightier and their (inevitable victories) that much sweeter.
Unfortunately, that doesn't always work out. This can be especially true when the budget limitations of films are coupled with the imagination limitations of most film producers. Toss in the need to adhere to certain formulas (or to create another line of toys), and suddenly you have an impotent villain who is not the definition of threatening but instead the definition of wasted potential. These are the top 5 worst offenders, the supervillains who seemed cool but were just...just awful.
5.) ED-209 (from Robocop)
Now before the nerds freak out - I like the design of ED-209. I like most the scenes he's in - and that he gets demoted to traffic cop in Robocop 2. And I get that part of the point of this villain is that he's inept and an obsolete model that Robocop outshines. Hell, he even beats the piss out of Robocop, not to mention that dude who refuses to present identification. But what's his main weakness? Stairs. And it's not just that he can't go up or down stairs, he doesn't understand how they work. And when he falls down?
He starts to writhe and squeal like a toddler crossed with one of those pig guards from Return of the Jedi. For god sake, man - have some self respect.
4.) Venom (from Spider-Man 3)
Venom was kind of designed (by Todd Macfarlane) as the 90-iest of supervillains - Spider-Man, but cooler and more badass and crazy and then eventually got a really long tongue and big lower jaw. He was bigger and stronger than Spider-Man, and had all of Spider-Man's abilities, plus a few others designed to trip up Peter Parker. He is an example of that Complimentary Villain, the Janus version of the superhero that is like him but without the inherent goodness or moral fiber. He was big in the 90s (and spawned not just a bunch of cartoons, comics, video games but also other symbiotes like Carnage who then spawned a bunch of cartoons, comics, video games) and has a great visual style that ensured grown-up fanboys would be demanding his appearance in a Spider-Man movie. And so it came to pass that Venom was in Spider-Man 3, for about 10 minutes total. In which he randomly tracked down and teamed up with Sandman (something the police and Spider-Man couldn't do) by shouting at him in an alley. As for his cool aesthetic appeal, well that was undermined as Venom constantly revealed his Topher Grace face.
Why does he have fangs? Anyone? Anyone?
And for the perfect foil to Spider-Man - the ultimate villain of the science nerd - he had a embarrassingly simple plan of "Step 1: Get Mary Jane, Step 2: ????, Step 3: Profit?" Ultimately Venom was easily dispatched by a pumpkin bomb. A Pumpkin Bomb. A thing that couldn't even take out James Franco. Oy. Well, at least he never danced like Peter Parker did in that movie...
Oh. Oh God. That can never be unseen.
3) Lex Luthor (from any of the Superman movies)
Here's the thing - Lex Luthor sounds awful on paper. A bald guy who blames Superboy for his baldness? Later changed into a business tycoon with a limitless amount of money, R & D staff/villains and kryptonite? But writers in comics and, especially, the Bruce Timm/Paul Dini cartoons have found ways of making him really interesting. For example, how about the idea that Luthor is a humanist who believes that reliance on superheroes - exemplified by Superman - has made people weak and robbed them of ambition? Or how about the idea that Luthor is jealous that no matter what he accomplishes - through hard work and his own natural intellect - he is overshadowed by the effortless deeds performed by Superman? Or how about a man who wants to control everything - but if he can't control Superman, then he really can't control anything?
All of these have been explored to various degrees of depth and success. Indeed, Superman Returns even has Luthor mention this loftier aspects of his motives. But then what does Luthor do? Yup, you guessed it - Land Deals!
That's the nefarious plan. Real estate market manipulation. He's going to make an inhospitable piece of land, obviously be responsible for destruction/death, and somehow make a profit. Same with the first Superman movie. In Superman II, he's just...there to pick up the comic relief when Non isn't in the scene. And Superman IV...you know, I honestly have no idea what the plan was. Nuclear Man would...save him from Jon Cryer?
2) Nick Nolte as...Nick Nolte? (from The Hulk)
There's just so many problems with this. First of all, he is never credited as anything other than Father. Secondly, he dispatches giant radioactive dogs to fight The Hulk. The things look like rejects from The Mask, and it's just a terrible plan - and why does he have a kennel of radioactive animals? And why just dogs? So many questions...
Anyways, hours pass and nothing interesting happens. Then Nolte shows up. He overacts and chews the scenery all leading up to him LITERALLY EATING THE SCENERY:
Then he turns into a cloud and Hulk fights a cloud. For defenders of Ang Lee's film, I never understand how they can reconcile this final scene. It's not even multiple levels or subtext - it's blatant text on one level. He has father issues...it's just terrible. Dude shows up for one scene, eats a cable, becomes a giant jellyfish cloud and then is beaten...maybe.
1.) Super Shredder (from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze)
There's a segment of my generation that remembers this moment from TMNT II with crystal clarity. This giant behemoth with razor sharp spikes and crazy ninja moves is prepared to fight our four favorite heroes. They're gearing up for battle and he...impotently spazzes out and then kills himself. Wait what?
Seriously, it was a real primal moment for many kids - that moment where we learned about fleeting potential and immediate disappointment. Why would you create this awesome thing just to have him die in 2 minutes? By his own stupid, clumsy hands? And even if he did survive - there's just as many questions. Why did his costume and spikes grow? Why did he drink radioactive toxins instead of, say, giving it to his army of ninja minions? Why didn't Vanilla Ice, who is clearly proficient with power tools, help rebuild the pier and rescue Shredder? We may never know...